this website was hand-rendered in a small wooden shed by a person who claims to be the webmaster. the webmaster does not exist. this is not a contradiction.
typography: Comic Sans MS, Chalkboard SE, Courier New. selected for emotional volatility.
music: 4-voice polyrhythmic chiptune, generated live by your browser using the Web Audio API. there is no file. the music exists only while you are looking.
colors: #00ff00, #ff00ff, #00ffff, #ffff00. selected to honor the original CRT monitors of the late 1990s and to ensure that printing this page is a misuse of toner.
illustrations: none. all visuals are CSS gradients, SVG patterns, or your own visual cortex misfiring.
cookies: we do not use cookies. the website prefers oat milk.
infrastructure: served from a 1 vCPU FreeBSD VPS in Tokyo via nginx, behind a ZeroSSL certificate. proudly suboptimal.
maintenance schedule: none. the site is updated when the webmaster has a nightmare.